Angelika: Embracing Joy & Pain (Part 2 of Rising Through Trauma Into Healing)

This is the podcast's transcript of our second segment with Angelika Schafer on Rising Through Trauma into Healing, and this episode is called Embracing Joy and Pain. You'll catch insights on the profound shifts in consciousness currently occurring on earth. Angelika also opens her own story around food addiction, and a personal experience that demonstrates the wholistic nature of inner healing. We explore the interconnectedness of all beings and the power of non-resistance.

You'll come away with inspiration for setting new patterns in difficult times and some practical tools for transformation. We are uplifted as we celebrate our living co-creative relationship with the Divine, as expressed in Angelika's healing work--an open door for us all.

☀️ Finding Harmony Off the Grid 💦

(Angelika):

I'm still in California, Northern California. I live in the woods off the grid, just on the side, in a straw bale cottage. And I just love this lifestyle where I know where everything comes from and where everything goes. I'm very conscious of energy consumption, water consumption. . . I'm very conservative because we're on a solar system. You can't just turn everything on whenever you want to, and our well is not that great, so we have to conserve the water to have a vegetable garden and fruit trees. And so I'm very aware of living in harmony with earth, with nature, with the systems. I'm always aware; there is an awareness present naturally.

From Roots of Connection, a Search for Enlightenment 🍃

My parents gave us a good foundation on that. They took us to the forest to forage for berries and mushrooms and wild things.

They were really good people. They were just so traumatized that it was very difficult. And all I wanted just to get away from the pain. But then after my Ananda experience and the India trips, It turned into this search for enlightenment. So it was a mad search for enlightenment and awakening because the little egoic mind, the little identification with the little self thought, Oh, that's the solution. That's how I can get out of suffering, because I was suffering life. I had a lot of emotional pain. I carried a lot.

Reconciling Inner Conflict and Outer Accomplishments

I couldn't stand myself. I was always at conflict within myself, but the strategy was outer accomplishment. So I was accomplished. I could do anything I wanted. I was very successful in whatever I put my mind to, and I tried many different things.

I loved variety, still do. I had an inner war with myself and it felt like there was a part of me that was so hurt that it was angry and hurtful. And another part was totally connected to its divinity and angelic and brought in all this healing energy. And those two just didn't fit together! 🧩 You can imagine. . .

A Neighbor in Need: Joy in the Pain

What's so odd is I, before we started recording, I told you this little story and maybe it's worthwhile going into it right now. I have a neighbor and friend that I have a long history with. He had had his toes amputated because of diabetes, and I check in on him often and bring food and make him a fire. He lives with a wood stove, which is not the best, but, so I went over there yesterday, Sunday. And he was shivering, he hadn't eaten all day, his cat 🐈 wasn't fed, and he was in extreme pain because the nurse that had been there a couple days before didn't do the wound wrapping correctly and the wound vac, which sucks the fluids, didn't work, and he was a mess.

It was very stressful. I'm not a nurse. The physical stuff, the smelly physical stuff is not my thing. I'm more of a nurse for the heart and the spirit and the mind. But, sometimes life asks of us to to do things that we're not comfortable with. Anyway, I ended up having to cut off all this old bandage stuff of this amputated foot with these deep wounds. ⛑ And I did it, but it was hard, very hard, even physically. He was in so much pain; he was very grouchy. It was stressful, even with all my tools and knowledge.

🌠 I was not happy, but I walked home 20 minutes, just watching the starry sky. It was dark by then. I'd spent much more time than I had intended to, and I just connected with the universe and said, Thank you, thank you for the pain of these things that we can't solve; there is no solution that I can find. And that used to make me crazy.

I realize that most human beings, we are stuck in our small self, in the limited sense of self. There is always in some kind of strategy or some kind of attempt to make things better, to find solutions, to put a band aid, 🩹 to escape, to distract ourselves to not meet the pain of the human condition fully. And so I was communing with the stars on the way home--even though I felt pain for him, to the pain of humanity.

Meeting the Pain of the World in Non-resistance

And this morning, I cried. I let myself cry like a thunderstorm moving through my system. ⛈ But not with the story that it should be different anymore. It was simply just feeling it fully and allowing the energy to move through my system--like I'm a lightning rod; to be, to let it transform or express or discharge through my own nervous system. I now have that ability. So the reason I was crying is I met the pain of the world, so many beings, especially in my age--I'm 71 now.

So many of my friends, they have died or they are dying right now. They're sick. They're not well. I seem to be the only one who is doing better than ever--in my age group and even younger ones. And so, I felt the pain of the whole world, of all the beings that I'm connected to. I really felt it. I felt it with a purity of heart, with non resistance. And I always heard the teachings from my beautiful master teachers that the suffering comes from the resistance to what is.

The Power of Non-Resistance and Co-Creation

I realized I could cry and allow myself to have my heart open in the pain and feel it fully and not resist it. And there was no story that it should be different.

💡A thought came, if you could go to a perfect planet right now, a perfect world, would you? The answer was, I was surprised, actually, the answer was, No, I am here in the right place at the right time in the right way, because I am here to help transform these energies on the planet. I'm here to help free the prisoners, myself included.

And when I was able to cry so purely and meet that pain, I had the sense that the pain and the joy that I also feel often that bliss and joy and just exuberance of life, it became like one thing. 😢😊 Yes. Merged into one.

The Freedom of Being With What Arises

I realized, I'm getting to the point where I don't need, I don't have a preference anymore. I'm not seeking for the high, for the bliss that I used to be so addicted to or even the feeling of being in love on the human level. I used to be so addicted to it. But I'm no longer seeking those things.

I notice now that I'm just able to be with what is arising, whatever that is--be it pain or be it joy, and to really allow it to express freely and fully through my own system without making it wrong, or resisting it, or judging it, or saying, Oh, there's something wrong with it.

Releasing and Healing through CognoMovement

I counsel people; I have a wonderful method, CognoMovement, that I use to help people release trauma out of their nervous system. And I've done it myself enough that I'm now very skillful with that. I even overcame PTSD. . . with so much progress that I was able to help my sister in Germany. Her life is totally changed.

I feel like it's because I can and I have these tools that, in a way, it's my sacred work to allow the intense energies of Earth to purify through me, transform through me, integrate through me. And I'm not doing this alone. So I'm very aware that it's the Divine in me doing that. There is a sense of merging with Source, my Creator. . . and Thy will is my will; my will is Thy will.

It's getting to this place of where it feels like a co-creation. Not like I'm a puppet that is guided by, some invisible strings, but it's more like what I deeply desire is what Source deeply desires for me. And it's all becoming one thing.

And that transmission, these realizations, they are so profound and they are actually affecting everyone I meet now. I can literally feel it and it's not an ego thing. It's not, Oh, I'm this great healer or this spiritual teacher. Not at all. It's not like that. Just I'm noticing, I'm observing that this beautiful, transforming, healing energy is coming through and blessing people.

Even if I don't speak when I'm in that state, that flow state, the state of grace. Yes. Amen. It just flows through me and I'm just like, absorbing the whole thing and I go, wow, isn't that wonderful? Like I'm cheering it on, like whatever is happening through me, this is absolutely wonderful and I'm so grateful!

(Colleen): Yes, me too.

(Angelika): Yeah, I can tell you're listening with your heart. I can tell you can relate to what I'm saying.

Freedom WITH All Things

You are the actor, you are the director of the movie, you are the one that watches the movie, and you are the one who wrote the script. But you're aware of all of these different aspects at the same time. It's just absolutely amazing. It is!

(Colleen): I am so appreciating how you are able to articulate this because so much of it feels like it's beyond words, and yet the words are soaked and saturated with such life exuberance as you speak. Because this is timeless and yet it's so timely. Because the story that we are living in now is ripe and ready to know beyond a head knowing, to know with the entire being that all is well. And that the well in that phrase that we hear so much is more than "pretty good." It's so beyond the intellectual knowing, and yet I feel it palpably as you're speaking and I see it in your face that this is Infinite. And yet here it is working through your mind, your heart, your nervous system, your body, your life, the pain around you . . . the healing that comes through not as anything separate from yourself, but as a further expression, an expanding expression of who you have always been, and now unfolding in such simple, but very profound powerful ways, this freedom that you are expressing. I love it. It's so powerful.

(Angelika): Yeah, and for me, that's very well said, and it's freedom WITH all things--it's not FROM anything. I used to need to be free of the fences and the restrictions and the heaviness and the pain. No, it's freedom with everything. It's different.

I just want to quote a little quote from Mike Dooley's Notes from the Universe and it came in during Christmas time. He said, "You are life's prayer of becoming its answer." I love that: You are life's prayer of becoming its answer. 🙏🏽

That kind of has that sense, that spirit of co creation that Life is not separate from us. It works with us in whatever state we find ourselves.

Shifts in Consciousness and Spiritual Awakening

I want to quickly address some of the changes I've noticed in the shift of consciousness on earth. And we've long talked about it for decades and been awaiting this big shift. But what I'm noticing is very profound shifts that may not look glamorous.

For example, I used to, go for the teachers, the gurus. And there was this sense of, I am small, and I can never reach your level. And you have this amazing capacity and light to express.

But now it's different. Now I love those teachers. I respect them. I bow to them with all my heart. But now it's the next wave. 🌊 It used to be these very high frequency beings have guided us. And we're the next wave of awakened beings that are now guiding the rest of humanity, the wave that comes after us.

(Colleen): I see that like, what is it called, the bow wave? Like when a boat is on the water and moving forward, there's a wave in front of it that opens the way for all that comes after. That's the picture that has been in my mind about what you're describing--that people like you, who aren't showing up to be a great teacher or a great healer or something like that, but you are just showing up as you--realizing an awakening to all that you are and have always been.

(Angelika): Yeah. And then I can use all the tools, all the things that I've learned and tried and accumulated, I can use them freely, Oh, for this person, this tool is needed for this person, this tool is needed.

A lot of it had to do with when I became a practitioner of CognoMovement, with Bill McKenna and Liz Larson. It's a conglomerate of many different systems, but it actually is so brilliant. It works with the eyes, eye movement, and it opens up the whole brain. And then you can look at any issue from different perspectives.

And the nervous system is intelligent enough to integrate the information. Instead of being stuck in a little trauma loop, which is going on in the amygdala and the hippocampus of the brain, the survival part of the brain, we shift out of that and we can reprocess with all of the brain engaged through movement of the eyes, pattern interrupt, all these things from what modern neuroscience and modern psychology has found.

And for me, it literally brought all the spiritual capacities online, just to remove the stress and trauma in the nervous system. It just uncovered it. Its like all that light, all that capability of connecting was stuck in a separation--a sense of, Oh, life is hard on earth; it's dangerous; the earth is not safe. And there was this heaviness, heavy layers of distress over the true being. And moving or integrating or releasing all these layers of stress and what we really are comes online automatically.

Co-creation with Intention, Effort, and Grace

But it's like I said, a co-creation. So the formula that I've come across through my teachers in India was threefold.

There is intention. That means we need to be very clear on what we want. Very clear. What is our greatest heart's desire? What do we want to create and manifest here on earth? This is a place of manifesting. So what is it that we want? And not limited by limited ideas from the past.

And then the second step is, we need to put in effort. And that's our part, where we show up and we show the universe that we mean it. We make the steps--like you do so much preparation work behind the scenes to make these podcasts possible, from websites to all the things that go into it. It's huge. But you showed up--you had an intention, you showed up, you did the steps, and you did them in the order that they needed to be done.

And then the last part is grace, the flow. The last part is the easiest one. We just open. We know we've done what we could, and then we open to the grace to actually make it into the beautiful offering that it can be.

But it doesn't happen when we just sit on the couch and say, Oh, it's all love and light, and it's all going to come to me if I just have the right thoughts and the right feelings. It's not like that. That is an immature spiritual fantasy that I used to have, too, when I learned about manifestation. We really need to show up fully. We need to show up for ourselves, and for life, and for Earth, and for each other.

Shifting Consciousness is not for the Faint of Heart

And it's very hard sometimes. I'm not saying it's easy, this shifting consciousness, because here it's so dense and so inside out and upside down. And there are so many challenges on so many levels. This is not for the faint of heart! It takes a lot of courage. But we really need to do something every single day that brings us closer to where we want to be.

My Example: Food Addiction

Here's an example. Because my parents experienced starvation and they experienced a lot of hardship and survival fear, when we were little, they made sure we had not only plenty to eat, but too much to eat! We were always encouraged to eat. And food was a comfort. It was our comfort. Both of my parents cooked and baked, and it was a treat. And that's when we had a little break from the distress that was always in the space.

So, I was always addicted to food. Luckily, my body was great; I could get away with it--I burned tons of energy. But now in my seventies, I sit at the computer a lot. When I do counseling, I sit a lot and I realized my body isn't the same. It's not as forgiving. And so I didn't feel that good. I felt sluggish. I felt a little bit more pounds than I wanted to, but I couldn't tackle it because of the addiction to food.

There was so much story with this craving all the time to eat. It was making me feel pleasure and filling a hole inside of me on the human level--that emptiness, that loneliness of the human being feeling separate from Source. So I tried to tackle it before I was aware of the pattern, but it seemed too big.

So I ignored it. And finally, it was the right timing. There was enough grace. So what happened is, I signed up for an online fitness program 🏋🏽‍♀️ and weight loss program. I have an online coach and I signed up for three months and I completed two months, and the pattern has been broken!

So now even the body is cooperating with this ease--more easeful and more natural, and not going after the cravings. I'm able to work with that part of me with compassion, but with discipline--not a harsh discipline, but a loving discipline that feels so good I cannot even convey with words how good that feels! There is a sense of self respect, there is a sense of feeling in harmony with your being, working with your inner child, working with the cravings and addictions and feeling a success because you're working together.

And again, the program wasn't easy. There were days when I was like, Oh, I can't do this. And exercising every day, working out, doing cardio. . .

So what happens if we have a goal, right? In this program you set the goal in the beginning, your intention. And then the effort part is you do your thing every day, you do something around food and you do something around exercise. And the third part is grace.

And so if you wanted to develop a lot of muscle, a six pack, and that was your intention, and you go to the gym and you work out one time and you come home and you expect a six pack to be there, right? 🧐 It doesn't work like that. Even to maintain it once you reach the goal, it takes daily dedication, effort and work.

Creating, Sustaining and Destroying/Transforming

It's just the way it is here on earth. Things either decay or they build, it goes in one direction or the other. In Hinduism, there is the trinity, Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, Brahma being the creating principle of Creation, the manifest creation, Vishnu being the maintaining sustaining principle, and Shiva being the destroying or transformational principle.

And you see it in nature: everything comes, everything stays for a while and then it decays. Same with our bodies, of course, we try to deny that 'cause it makes this little sense of self, that identification with this little body-mind self, freak out when it thinks about, I'm gonna decay and go away--oh no! So try to avoid that thought.

Facing Mortality and the Value of Life

I've been working a lot with dying people lately and a lot very consciously. I contemplate my own death every day. I'm very aware that it could happen anytime. And because I faced it so much, and I even do a guided meditation with it, (we could maybe do an episode with that. I've wanted to do that because it's going to be very helpful for people.)

So preparing ourselves for the right state of mind, because where we go next and how we are right now, the quality all depends on how consciously we work with these principles. And I think it could be extremely helpful.

Also, what we experience after this life depends very much on our thoughts. that we have right now, our attitudes, our feelings, our expectations.

(Colleen): Warm thanks to Angelika for modeling how spiritual evolution is not about escaping the human experience, but fully embracing it. This was such a nourishing, potent conversation for me. How about you? Are you feeling more willing to embrace both joy and pain ? What lit up for you in this conversation?

And by the way, you can access free journaling prompts for nudging your inner flow on the Bonus Content Page for subscribers.

Make sure to join us for part three of Angelika's Rising Through Trauma into Healing, which opens in a discussion of how subconscious beliefs can affect near death experiences.