COMING HOME TO SOUL, Pt 3: The Practice of Becoming: Soul Habits, Brain Retraining, and Inner Trust

What if it’s not about striving, but remembering?

INTRODUCTION:

Welcome back to We Be The Change. In this third and final segment of the Coming Home to Soul series, I’m joined again by Tessa Lynn Alburn for an insightful conversation focused on developing a deeper connection with your soul. Together, we explore how to recognize all the patterns, form new habits, and honor the whispers of the soul. You'll discover how to form lasting positive habits, manage discomfort, and balance holistic self-care by listening to small urges and making incremental changes. After all, it isn't about striving -- it's about remembering.(Transcript of S01 E24 of the WBTC Podcast)

The series, COMING HOME TO SOUL wraps up with this episode with Tessa Alburn on how to recognize old patterns, form new habits, and honor the whispers of the soul.

Colleen: I restrained myself from reading your whole résumé—years in the corporate world, your work in music, and the healing modalities you move in so expertly and sensitively as a genuine, real person. The world is blessed to have people like you—rooted in service, helping people, and bringing frayed ends together so we can discover our wholeness and beauty.

Tessa:  Thank you. Years ago when I was teaching scientific scuba at UCLA, I knew Dr. Glen Strom, who led the applied kinesiology department. I’d heard him teach techniques for preventing diving accidents.

Applied kinesiology research indicates it takes about 18–20 repetitions done correctly in a row for something to become a habit. If you do it five times and then panic or slip, you start over.

It sounds like a lot from one angle, but from another it’s encouraging: That’s all? If I’ve been suffering for years, doing something correctly 18–20 times feels doable—especially if we build it in small increments. We tend to attempt a “long jump” and expect 20 feet on day one. Not happening. But baby steps done over and over—suddenly you’re at 18, 19… and it’s not a big deal.

We want healthy, accountable choices at a pace that serves us, so we can reconnect with the part of us that wants to guide and love us through the rest of our lives. When that connection lands, moods and perceptions can shift profoundly in a moment of inner peace.

Colleen: And the tools don’t have to be painful. I once took one advanced yoga class while visiting Truckee, thinking, “I do a little yoga; I’ll be fine.”

I was sore for days. It wasn’t my practice. What we’re talking about here is different: holistic and humane.

Tessa:  Exactly. A holistic approach cares for the whole being while making incremental changes. I used to coach inside the old “no pain, no gain” model—get out of pain, get to the good place.

But we can redefine “pain.” Sometimes it’s simply stretching into a bit of discomfort—not beating ourselves up or over-exercising to exhaustion.

We want healthy, accountable choices at a pace that serves us, so we can reconnect with the part of us that wants to guide and love us through the rest of our lives. When that connection lands, moods and perceptions can shift profoundly in a moment of inner peace.

Colleen: As you talk, I picture taking off a heavy backpack after a long trail. At first, that relief can be uncomfortable because my body had adapted to being compressed. When we’re used to constriction, spaciousness can feel unfamiliar, even “unsafe,” until we adjust. That’s why increments matter—we widen from this to this, just a little, and the total experience of life changes.

Tessa:  Beautifully put. A couple more helps for deepening Soul-connection:

• Listen to the calling. If you feel drawn to oil paints, to bead furniture, to plant a garden your way—follow the small urges. When we give ourselves permission, Soul says, “Yes—finally.” That’s how we develop the muscle of inner dialogue.

• Ask better questions. We’re programmed to ask, “What’s wrong with me/them/this?” Instead, ask: “What could I learn here?” Your brain may protest—“That’s corny; stay with me; I’ll keep you safe”—but notice the protest and ask anyway. Just asking begins a meaningful dialogue with Soul and reduces the brain’s vigilance.

Colleen:  Maybe we tell the busy mind, like a child in a forest: “I’m going to sit in that clearing for a few minutes. You’ll be fine on the log; we can see each other.” Years ago, the only quiet space I had as a mom was the bathroom—with the door locked. A few minutes was enough to touch base with what mattered. Sacred time.

Tessa: I love that. And yes—self-care isn’t only surface-level. It’s the inner care of listening and honoring what we’re feeling with kindness. We don’t need to beat ourselves up to motivate change. That model doesn’t work.

Colleen:  Our quota for self-punishment is full.

Tessa: Exactly. Try this reframe:

• For 15 minutes, no vigilance. There’s no fire, no bear. Just know, "I’m safe."

• Then acknowledge: “I have uncomfortable feelings; I’m going to explore them and see what I can learn.” That’s curiosity without pre-loading an answer.

Here's an example of what not to do: someone has a competitive kerfuffle at work and goes home to “learn the lesson,” sits down, and hears: “Those guys are jerks; avoid them.” That’s still protection, not Soul. If we’re locked into defensive energy, we’re not listening deeply yet. Stay open to something you haven’t heard before.

Colleen: Yes. That openness feels like stepping into the clearing.

Tessa:  Right. And if you practice Reiki or prayer or breathwork—use a two-minute sanctuary wherever you are. Short sacred touch-points shift the day.

Colleen: You’re one of those rare guides who meets people where they are—helping bring the picture into focus so they can recognize, “That’s me. That’s beautiful.” Your clarity from the corporate years and instructional design shows up in how digestible your teaching is.

Tessa: Thank you—that means a lot.

Colleen:  If anyone wishes to connect with you, they can reach out through the contact form at the bottom of any page at SongRise.live. We’ll round up some bonus resources as well, for those who want to go deeper.

Tessa: Fantastic. Thanks again for having me.

PROLOGUE

What if change isn’t about fixing, but listening? As we close this series with Tessa Lynn Alburn, make a little space to notice what your Soul might be saying beneath the noise of the day.

Quiet nudges and small yeses—this is how we “be the change” -- by returning gently and consistently to who we’ve been all along.

Access resources and the free e-guide, Out of Your Mind, Into Your Light at SongRise.live 

I’m Colleen Akiko, wishing you warm connections as we all make our way home, together.